more than yesterday.....

Maybe it’s just because it’s the last year of school and technically I don’t have to be there and had seriously considered leaving and only have 3 classes that actually in involve work and one of them means I sit listening to the rest of the class getting lectured and have things repeated a million times cause they are a bunch of idiots and I’m sitting there with the correct answer in front of me. Maybe that is what makes me not want to be there anymore.

Or maybe it’s all the crap that comes with it and the people here.

Yesterday was a great day doing what I love – taking pictures of everyone in the year with a few good friends. Until people start mouthing off, being horrible and bitchy and I felt like a right cow for not taking any of their shite and mouthing back.

But you get past that and have a great laugh with my best friend, and things finally seem back to how they used to be – how they should be! Then next thing you know there is the possibility of being called a whore and a slag just for having a friend.

I mean it is in a way touching to be seen as a threat, but it’s totally stupid to. I have a boyfriend and I love him. If me and my best friend were meant to go out we would, and could have! So all I ask is please get over it and stop upsetting us both cause it will only make us closer as we comfort each other and your jealousy will just force that amazing boy away.

It just gets us thinking though, what if things had been different, what if…..

Sooooooo fed up of school, actually, its unbelievable. I mean its not like i do alot of work, and i have a great laugh with my friends but the classes i do have are just dull. Not interesting. A skive. Already know it all. Dont care about it. Cant be botherd.
Ahhhh well.
Now we all know feelings are a very strange and confusing things. But the worst things are feeling things you shouldnt - love, hate, lust? Whatever it is. And man can it make you feel guilty!!
It cant be helped though, your feelings just cant be stoped. Yeh you can keep them hiden and under control but sometimes they just come to the surface and well......your screwed.

Lies!....

Was in an amzing mood this morning and all day, and well i put that down to my great day yesterday.
Decent day at school, English and Photography, both good subjects that i enjoy. Lunch and laugh with some mates and round to my boys.
Hehe i love seeing him, just being with him and knowing he loves me, its amazing.
And my favourite film came out on dvd too, so home and curled up under the covers and watching my dragons. Perfect day.
Even had a great sleep.
So all that added up to me being fresh and happy this morning, and i do blame it all my boy.
But i come home, and as you do sign on facebook to cheack what has happened in the world.
I have never felt so awful, my tummy went all tight and i honestly thought i was going to cry. His relationship status read "single".
It made no sence! Everything had been perfect yesterday and even this morning, all my friend discoving it to and texting asking questions while im sitting there like WTF!
But it made no sence, so it must not been true. I and i knew it wasnt. It just couldnt be.
So natuarrly i text him, simply asking him to "explain?".
 He was clueless, he honestly had no idea. I asked "your single?" and he said "im not"
Well i already new that but it did make be relax.

So basically it wasnt him, it wasnt his mates, and it wasnt me or my mates.
So someone is messing with my boy, or me and my boy, and they had better hope i dont ever get my hands on them!!

That is all....

You have no idea how awful it is to be the ugly duckling of the family, and by quite a long way.
Having a beautiful, confident older sister has honestly been the downfall of my self confidence, its not helped when she is smart too and feels the need to torment me about not being up to scratch with her.
Luckily my boyfriend does not find her attractive, cos that wld be the most awful thing in the world, not knowing who he really thought was sexy.
But honestly it does me no good being around her, cos there is no way i can compleat with that. I am just compleat inferior, insignificant.
And that is a horrible feeling im faced with every day.

ARRRGGGEEE......

Feel a bit defeated, totally forgotten about and unimportant.
Which isn't great, not going to lie.
Wouldn't it be nice if you were someones best friend for once, and i mean to the extent you text every other day about nothing for hours, they would always make time for you, invite you out, stand by you, never lie to you and never make you feel like just an extra thing of nothingness that is following them around.
Hypocritical people! its just so annoying, what's the point in turning into what you constantly complain about!!
I mean right ok its not their fault that I'm not allowed to go out cause I'm too young, and unlike them I'm not going to lie to my parents just to go out get drunk and have a crap time listening to crap music and being pestered by crap guys while they all pull a bunch of random jakes!!

Maybe I'm just being over emotional, but that ain't my fault either, folk just shouldn't piss me off!! or should learn some morals and loyalty.

Jealousy......

Jealousy does terrible things to people.
Now i know this relates to someone that will be reading this and i hope they understand that i need to have a "vent in writing" and accept my apology.
Ok so ill admit at times me being friendly comes across as flirting, but its just how i am.
Its harmless.
Ad i have a boyfriend who i love, and i am loyal and faithful and not a cheat!!!
But when you mix to flirts together along with a jealous other half who already hates me its just going to cause problems.
But i cant give up my best friend just cause of her jealousy, i mean what me and him have will last so much longer than their relationship -horrid thing to say yes i know and again I'm sorry- but true!


Maybe I'm just a bad person, I mean, what do i do to make people hate me!!
The answer is always they are just jealous, but of what???
I am nothing to be jealous of, trust me.
ok other than my amazing few close friends and my darling boyfriend i really do have nothing. its like I'm overly pretty or smart or talented or successful or anything. I'm just normal.
I don't want to special!!

Love....

Ok so it has been a while, and i apologies. I hope you are all well.
That's it been a year since things kicked off with me and my boy. We shocked ourselves never mind anyone else, we made it a whole year, and love each each other.
Halloween 11pm 2009 in a friends garden with a "geek", just me him, had been flirting all night, little hints here and there that maybe something could happen.
Now I'm not the kind of girl to sit back and wait, if i want something ill go for it and that is just what i did. I kissed him...and he didn't kiss back! He said no to me!!
I know shocking isn't it, but to quote him "i don't want to just be a drunken kiss"
I maintain i was not drunk. He maintains I was that he didn't want to take advantage.
Now this has been the topic of many a heated discussion, did he do the right thing?
I have to admit i think he did, if he had kissed me i probebly would have thought yeah i pulled tonight, instead i text him the next day apologizing for embarrassing myself and instead got a confession that he really liked me and was just scared he didn't stand a chance.
He is such a woman at time!!

Anyhow today i have never seem him so happy, he was just so happy and cuddly and almost proud that i was him. It was one of the sweetest things and god it made me feel amazing.

Ok so yeah this is all a bit soppy, but everyone loves a love story at some point.

=) <3 xxx