flaying monkey....

AHHHHH ACTUAL COWS!!!

Portugal was my idea but yeh ok you just fuck off with your new friend and off you go and have fun! Who fucking needs you anyway? Certinly not me and soon enough youll find a reason to fall out with these "best friends" over something petty and stupid that didnt even happen and move on to someone else!

I mean what is with girls? I mean we constantly seem to be falling out, or going in the huff with folk for no reason. I honestly think i was meant to be born a guy. They are just so much easier to be around and so much friendsly although some argue that not because they are being nice but more beacuse they think your hot. But oh who actually gives a flying monkey any more!!!

mooo....

Ok so it seems apparent you have decided to bugger off. But suit yourself. Mooooooooooo cow!!

Made up stories....

I must admit this is the best way of letting it all out. Turning everything into a massive exaggerated story, adding bits and pieces just to make me feel like i have something to feel shit about! But tonight it just won’t cut it, i just want my friend back, i just want things back to how they were.
Maybe i should change, maybe i am the one with the problem, in fact forget the maybe - i am the one with the problem.
Mum says i trust to many people and tell people to much - true
My sister says to get over it; it will all be forgotten in a week.
Dad just sits quietly as i have one of my moments.
Nobody seems to know what i should do, maybe just curl up in a ball and sleep forever, that could work for me and for everyone else probably.

Hmmm would miss my boy to much though. Damn him for being so good for me. Don’t no how i could ever want anyone else.
URGEEE!!! The problems.

RAGE!!

Do you not hate it when you know someone is mad at you, not talking to you, and ignoring you and you know why it is, and it is for a stupid reason but they wont talk to you about it!!
It just gets frustrating!
I mean right now all my friends are guys cos well no girl seems to like me.
But you hang around with guys all the time an people just think your a whore!!
But i love guys company, its easy and i dont have to make an effort, i can just be me.
My friend showed me this quote and i dont no who said it or where its from but it make sence but it not very helpful:
"If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you always got, and you'll always feel what you always felt"
Sigh i guess i just cant win, so fed up the now :(

Actually.....

Well this is a "fuck my life" feeling if ever there was one.
I am clearly just too emotional a person for my own good although i am very proud that i have managed not to cry yet tonight.
It’s strange how people can surprise you, you think you’re drifting apart but all it takes is one day to get the bond back. As for those you thought were your friends, it’s amazing how their feelings can be manipulated by a boy. I mean seriously you for one should no I'm not after your "man" pfft.
I mean i know I’m a friendly girl in a flirty sort of way, but trust me if I’m flirting with someone everyone will know all about it!! And why the hell would i want your rumoured player of a bf when i have a man that i love. I mean get over yourself actually!
This is why i am so friendly with guys cos you don’t get all these bloody problems!!! FS! Actually!

I mean I don’t actually have a clue anymore. I was never a person that only had one best friend now I don’t even know if I have any friends, well female anyway. But I can’t spend all my time with guys cause then I just seem like a whore! I mean actually fml! What are peoples problems……..RAGE!!

hmph.....

You have actually got to be kidding me!!! Clearly my sister is the favourite child, since mum is either forgetting about me, telling me a moody cow, compairing me to other so i come of worse or just making life sucky. Yeh dont you worry about a thing maw, just you change all the plans that we had and that were totally fine and  worked around both my sister and me and work so that it suites my sister even better and im just forgotten about. You lot can enjoy yourself and ill work away then have to put up with a whole load of crap from your mates when i get home just what a "crabbit wee bisum" needs after a stressful, boring and hard day at work!!!

more than yesterday.....

Maybe it’s just because it’s the last year of school and technically I don’t have to be there and had seriously considered leaving and only have 3 classes that actually in involve work and one of them means I sit listening to the rest of the class getting lectured and have things repeated a million times cause they are a bunch of idiots and I’m sitting there with the correct answer in front of me. Maybe that is what makes me not want to be there anymore.

Or maybe it’s all the crap that comes with it and the people here.

Yesterday was a great day doing what I love – taking pictures of everyone in the year with a few good friends. Until people start mouthing off, being horrible and bitchy and I felt like a right cow for not taking any of their shite and mouthing back.

But you get past that and have a great laugh with my best friend, and things finally seem back to how they used to be – how they should be! Then next thing you know there is the possibility of being called a whore and a slag just for having a friend.

I mean it is in a way touching to be seen as a threat, but it’s totally stupid to. I have a boyfriend and I love him. If me and my best friend were meant to go out we would, and could have! So all I ask is please get over it and stop upsetting us both cause it will only make us closer as we comfort each other and your jealousy will just force that amazing boy away.

It just gets us thinking though, what if things had been different, what if…..