and so it goes...

I'm excited for my birthday, i'm not going to lie.
Dinner with my boy tomoz night, then driving on the big day, and lunch with the family and then more family round at night, then lunch with my real friends the day after.
Compleatly over that whole silly thing.
I refuse to let it get to me any more.....

I'm very good at not letting things get to me, or at least not showing that they do. But sometimes it just gets too much and you can't hold it all back anymore. Partly why i started writing because i was fed up holding it in and having it all explode out at once. But this time, i don’t know what it is but my anger disappeared )about the who stupid thing where she wasn’t talking to me over her now ex bf, then taking my idea for a holiday and going without me) and i was sure i was ok with it. It didn't bother me. If that is how you were going to be then fine. But i don’t know; now i actually feel upset about it. I think had the holiday been to somewhere different like maga or something i might not have minded but taking my total idea, that’s just low.

That's two holidays I’ve not been invited on, so surly that means the problem must lie with me.

But when people just turn against you and don’t talk to you about it how are you meant to make things write. Fix things. Change.

Ok so i know one reason that one person doesn’t like me. But i wasn't flirting with your now ex. You claim i was your best friend so surly you should know i wouldn’t do such a thing. I’ve done everything i can to prove that to you said all i could to fix it and still you have a problem with me. Is that really my fault?

Apparently so.

The guys. My real friends - seem to find the whole thing almost laughable, saying girls take things to seriously and are always falling out. Well i haven’t fallen out with anyone!
They think it’s funny to joke and say they are going to fall out with me for no reason just like everyone else. But that just stings and rubs in the fact that I'm now pretty much down to one proper female mate. She has her best friend though and spends all her time with her boyfriend, i know she would be there for me no matter what but she has other priorities.

Can't wait for a fresh start, at uni or even collage, or just working for a year. Anything to meet new people and get away from all this pointless drama.

Sis.....

My sister does my head in at times. Just can’t be bothered with her when she is being a moody annoying cow! Which is most of the time. But it’s always me that gets the blame, i took what she said the wrong way, i take her "jokes" to seriously, i let little daft things rub me up the wrong. It’s not my fault that she does my head in, is always insulting me, being dead opinionated on stuff she doesn’t know anything about, she never thinks she is wrong or out of order it’s always got to be my fault!
Just because everyone thinks she is little miss perfect, never done anything wrong in her whole life. I mean why should she be allowed to think she is better than anyone? Just because guys think she is hot. Looks mean nothing when you’re a horrible person love!!
God and she seems to think her boyfriend is the best thing ever, even though all she ever does is complain about him. He seems like a total waste of space like all the time and he clearly has no respect for her. And she has the cheek to sit and judge my boyfriend, who is always there when needed, is willing to pick me over his mates or the football, who is completely honest with me and most importantly and my mum agrees has complete and utter respect for me.

Rant over for now :)

flaying monkey....

AHHHHH ACTUAL COWS!!!

Portugal was my idea but yeh ok you just fuck off with your new friend and off you go and have fun! Who fucking needs you anyway? Certinly not me and soon enough youll find a reason to fall out with these "best friends" over something petty and stupid that didnt even happen and move on to someone else!

I mean what is with girls? I mean we constantly seem to be falling out, or going in the huff with folk for no reason. I honestly think i was meant to be born a guy. They are just so much easier to be around and so much friendsly although some argue that not because they are being nice but more beacuse they think your hot. But oh who actually gives a flying monkey any more!!!

mooo....

Ok so it seems apparent you have decided to bugger off. But suit yourself. Mooooooooooo cow!!

Made up stories....

I must admit this is the best way of letting it all out. Turning everything into a massive exaggerated story, adding bits and pieces just to make me feel like i have something to feel shit about! But tonight it just won’t cut it, i just want my friend back, i just want things back to how they were.
Maybe i should change, maybe i am the one with the problem, in fact forget the maybe - i am the one with the problem.
Mum says i trust to many people and tell people to much - true
My sister says to get over it; it will all be forgotten in a week.
Dad just sits quietly as i have one of my moments.
Nobody seems to know what i should do, maybe just curl up in a ball and sleep forever, that could work for me and for everyone else probably.

Hmmm would miss my boy to much though. Damn him for being so good for me. Don’t no how i could ever want anyone else.
URGEEE!!! The problems.

RAGE!!

Do you not hate it when you know someone is mad at you, not talking to you, and ignoring you and you know why it is, and it is for a stupid reason but they wont talk to you about it!!
It just gets frustrating!
I mean right now all my friends are guys cos well no girl seems to like me.
But you hang around with guys all the time an people just think your a whore!!
But i love guys company, its easy and i dont have to make an effort, i can just be me.
My friend showed me this quote and i dont no who said it or where its from but it make sence but it not very helpful:
"If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you always got, and you'll always feel what you always felt"
Sigh i guess i just cant win, so fed up the now :(